Wow, this has been a struggle.
So this is probably the longest I have waited to write a blog post. I’m usually writing very far in advance, cranking out ideas and just letting my fingers do the talking. People are actually surprised I’ve been able to come up with five solid ideas a week, and as am I. I never expected myself to stick to this blog as long as I have.
So I should have expected this day to come. The day of extreme writer’s block. Where I stare at a blank blog post and have absolutely nothing to say. There are so many things happening in the world around me, and nothing inspires me.
In all honesty, it really bothers me. When I strive to be so productive and try my best every day to achieve my highest potential, sitting down and not having any motivation to make progress is frightening. I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I look back at days that I accomplished less than I expected and look down on myself for it. Admittedly, I’ve gotten better at checking myself to stop self-criticism in its wake. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still happen, too often than I’d like.
Luckily I am not too concerned or obsessed with daily stats, as I feel I could easily do. When you see those numbers and statistics, updated every moment, it’s easy to not help but strive to do better. Of course it’s great to seek self-improvement, until it goes too far. With this blog, I have had a very healthy mentality around it where I really don’t pay much attention to the number of views per day. I just do my thing and see what happens.
Something I do hold myself accountable for, however, is my posting schedule. I even let myself, knowing my busy school schedule, take down the number of posts per week if I ever felt too overwhelmed. I’ve managed to be really balanced in both finishing my schoolwork and still having spare moments to write, which I really love. It’s my special time for self-reflection, allowing myself the freedom to voice my opinions and ideas in the exact way I want. But knowing that I can take on both responsibilities now means I have an internal expectation to continue the schedule up, that I have no reason to take a day off and not post. Which makes myself a much harsher critic.
Yes, I did consider not posting today. I never want to put something out there I don’t support 100-percent, or just spew out random words for the sake of posting every day. That’s not what I’m here for. This blog began with me, and it all goes back to me. What other people think of my work, I really don’t think about. I do enough thinking myself.
So I push myself, making sure every weekday I say something profound. Some days make deeper impressions than others, but I still haven’t missed a day. I’m someone where I get the urge to stop something entirely if I feel like I’m not performing or enjoying the activity as much as I should be. I don’t like quitting things, but my mind at times just turns off and I can’t get myself to continue. It goes completely against my values of finishing work out to the best of my abilities and not let others down, but of course, I tend to be my own worst enemy.
Despite today not really having much inspiration to work with beyond myself, I want you to remember that we all have those moments where the train takes an unexpected stop. We can’t predict it or try to understand why it happens; it just does. We can do all we want to prevent it, but eventually we reach a point where the best we can do is just live. And in those moments, rather than being a critic, try being a cheerleader instead. Think of yourself as a best friend. If a loved one is experiencing a lower point where they’ve run out of ideas, chances are we aren’t going to go yell at them in frustration. We show empathy and understanding because we’ve all been there. Sure doesn’t make it any easier, but it’s a matter of simply letting yourself acknowledge that moment and continue forward.
For example, rather than dwelling on a blank screen and mentally beating myself up about it, I’ve decided to write about this uncomfortable feeling. I’m not going to sugarcoat things and say that it gets easier or I’ve made dramatic improvements. Will I still be very frustrated if I randomly missed a day for a blog post? You bet I am. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit idly whilst tearing myself down. I’ll just continue on my merry way and work toward a better day. The only obstacle in my path is myself. I have the choice as to how I deal with and react to this situation.
And we all need a break sometimes anyways. We aren’t machines. Our batteries need recharging. Whether it’s work, school, or blogging, just take a deep breath and allow yourself a moment of peace. I’m not going to pretend I don’t want to be writing extraordinary things right now, and I’m not going to pretend I’m in the mood where completing homework seems daunting. But I know when the time comes soon that I do have a surge of creativity and motivation, you better be ready for some good stuff.
Take care, and keep the faith. -Allie