The Future is Blinding

I forgot my shades at home, so that future that’s so bright is hurting my eyes a bit.

I don’t really have a cohesive story in mind, but whenever I think of idea, I have to write it out before I lose it and try to remember it and often fail. But anyways.

Through my time working in broadcast journalism and working in general, you would think the experience would help me decide what path I’d like to journey on as I think ahead to the future. Not only have I been working, but I have recently started looking at different graduate school programs as well, which is overwhelming to say the least.

I am a strong believer in ambition and work ethic. If you work for it, you can achieve it. Even with obstacles in the way, it’ll make that end product that much more satisfying. Find your inner drive and let it take you wherever it desires.

But the fact of the matter is I have always struggled with pinpointing an exact goal in mind. I see so many other people around me who have had or are starting to get a really clear idea of what they want to do in life. They find that one study they feel passionate about and roll with it. I, on the other hand, have found my passion, but how I want to use it is a whole other problem.

I know I want to write for a living. I can’t see myself doing anything else. But unless I can turn that into a solid income, I need a solid career backing me up (I’m not paying for college just for the heck of it). The different opportunities I have taken in college have really opened my eyes to different areas I could potentially lean toward.

While, as I’ve said, I currently work in broadcast journalism, I feel my heart isn’t fully in it. I have had no prior experience in that field before this internship, so I’ve had to start from scratch on the preferred style. Even after over six months of experience, I still find myself sending a story off to my editor and coming back with plenty of changes. Writing for the voice, very straight-forward and simple, is not natural for me. I naturally love to write with extremely long sentences and throw in fancy synonyms and the whole shebang.

I am so excited for the fall semester to begin because I will be the opinion section editor for the college’s independent newspaper. I love writing opinion, which is why I think getting myself back to blogging has been so easy, since most of the time I’m writing an extended version of my weekly columns. I’m not someone who really enjoys hard news; when I write, I still want to feel like it’s my work, that the voice behind those words is unique. That’s one aspect of news journalism that can bug me sometimes, that I can innately sprinkle in editorial without realizing it.

I’ve also always been very interested in the world of literary publishing. I love reading and English, and I think Elf‘s depictions of that field inspired me to consider it, especially any editing side to it. I am very detail-oriented, always picking out those little things others tend to overlook (if I’ve made any grammatical errors in any of my blog posts, I apologize, but often times my mind works faster than my fingers).

To think of being surrounded by so many books…that would be a grand time. I could also see myself working for a magazine, too. Ugh…

My current internship has been the first time I have ever worked full-time in an office setting. I am so lucky to have such a great gig, but it is also making me question what work environment my personality thrives in. Not going to lie, going to the same place, to the same desk, doing the same thing with the same people every day for eight hours can be really difficult at times. I’m someone where if I am not in the mood to work, I really have little motivation for anything, and any menial task is draining. Other days I finish things in short bursts of energy only to end up with nothing left. Even just talking to some coworkers who also consider themselves writers, they find that while having a stable income in broadcast is great, they are left with no time or energy to write. Whatever I end up doing, I never want to feel too exhausted to really fill my soul with what it craves.

So looking ahead at what I want to do, really enjoying my time blogging these past few weeks has gotten me dreaming of a possibility of moving to a blogging platform that I can actually make money from. I could spend my time fulfilling my passion for writing with exactly the topics that inspire me, working on my own schedule and pace in the comfort of my own space. I could work in whatever place I wanted to, even potentially being able to live in many places, allowing myself to travel (another passion of mine) and find more experiences to share. Whenever I finish a blog post or two, I feel so productive and alive, rather than feeling drained after eight hours of reporting at the office. Income is great, and we need money to live, but that isn’t something I’ve ever really felt concerned about. I’d much prefer a job of quality, not monetary quantity.

Obviously I have to be realistic here. I am very goal and career-oriented, and I know that if I set my mind to something, I can accomplish anything, but knowing exactly what I want to do continues to stump me. Maybe communication, or social media, or journalism, or editing, or blogging? Heck, I’d love to join the Peace Corps for a few years. Luckily in life we have the option to make mistakes and try different experiences, and this is no exception. But I feel like with my undergraduate education ending in 2018, my time is running out (ridiculous to think when it’s two years away, but nonetheless, it’ll be here before I know it).

I’m not sure what lies ahead in my future, but I am much looking forward to whatever it may be. And I hope that I find something that brings me happiness, that I can explore this world and find my niche. I refuse to settle for any career that I can’t wake up excited for in the morning. You deserve that for yourself, too.

Take care, and keep the faith. -Allie