Season of SAD

The act of getting out of bed every morning can be one of the most difficult parts of the day.

As morning barely creeps out over the horizon, it’s rare for the sun to greet each day in its most dazzling light.

A daily antidepressant, one that might be effective every other time of year, could still not be enough to manage the changing season.

Especially in colder climates, we almost lose a sense of ourselves buried underneath layers upon layers.

Opening a colorfully illustrated card with a heartwarming message inside should bring joy…but why is it so hard to believe?

The most wonderful, and yet the busiest time of year. But the motivation to tackle each day, even for basic functioning, dissipates quickly.

Everywhere you look, something is covered in lights, tinsel, or fake tree branches. A depressed mind, rather than soaking in the holiday spirit, might question every detail about it.

Why does it feel like the decorations and festivities suck up all the available energy in the atmosphere, leaving us drained and empty?

Despite everything, I still do see hope. Maybe I cannot experience the same joy I once did, still mystified by holiday magic, but I can find a new definition of joy and gratitude. I might not resemble an extensive curbside light show, but I do have a glimmer worth celebrating.

SAD can feel like a strand of tangled Christmas lights with bulbs that refuse to light. It’s dark and frustrating.

 

‘Tis the season to be jolly…for most of us. For others, this time of year can bring about debilitating emotions that are not so merry and bright.

How frustrating to feel the holiday season immerse the world in dazzling lights, in hopeful messages, in catchy melodies, in warm fires and beverages shared with loved ones…but not feel joy from it. To feel disconnected when society comes together for a common purpose once a year. To feel unmotivated and uninspired to share gifts with others when a gift would be simply getting through the day.

The condition is Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, and its effects should not be taken lightly. It might be easy to simply brush off low moods as the “winter blues,” but these feelings are valid and should be treated accordingly.

Colored lights strung from shutters and trees. Bright array of commercials for every event and sale piling upon each other leading up to Christmas. Red hats with the traditional white fur trimming their brims. Metallic golds and silvers splayed upon evergreen branches in tinsel garlands. An entire spectrum of color, and yet December can seem simply dull. The weather is either a desolute sea of brown grass and bare branches, or a thick layer of white frost, ice and snow covering every surface. The “blue” of SAD is a much greyer hue.

SAD is a type of depression brought on by changing seasons, most commonly during the change of autumn into winter. The symptoms associated with SAD also tend to become increasingly severe as the months wear on. Up to 5 percent of the population (especially in northern states) may suffer from it. Women are four times more likely than men to develop SAD, and it’s more common among younger people, ages 20 to 50, with a general decrease in symptoms as life progresses.

At least the holidays break up a string of cold, dreary that otherwise feel like an endless wandering through the tundra with no warmth or refuge in sight. Once December 26 hits, the magic wrapping the depression in colorful paper is ripped from the package and thrown away, exposing the internal nature that comes from an overly muted external nature.

As a type of depression, it’s still as detrimental to overall wellness as any other depression diagnosis. That means the symptoms of SAD are the same of those of major depressive disorder, or MDD: feeling depressed most of the day nearly every day, losing interest in once enjoyable activities, having low energy, having problems with sleeping, experiencing changes in appetite or weight, feeling sluggish or agitated, having difficulty concentrating, feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty, and potentially having thoughts of death or suicide.

“It’s the holidays, you’re fine!”

“You just need to get in the holiday spirit!”

“You’re being a Grinch! A Scrooge! It’s the best time of the year, you should be happy!”

The specific causes of SAD are still pretty vague, but the change of seasons and all that it brings tend to throw people off. The reduced sunlight in fall and winter tend to throw off the circadian rhythm of sleep and wakefulness, simultaneously skewing the brain’s levels of serotonin and melatonin. Each of these neurotransmitters play major roles in mood and sleep patterns.

With its tendency to ebb and flow as the seasons change, the stigma surrounding SAD is perpetuating by a disbelief that symptoms can come and go as they do, assuming them to be less severe they probably are. Especially since SAD is a mental illness, people can too easily brush it aside and move forward with the holiday festivities as planned. However, regardless of the joy and good will promoted this time of year, no number of decorations and carols can mask the real, present emotions lurking under the surface.

There’s so much to celebrate, so why put a damper on anything? Well, to fulfill the definition behind “good will toward men,” a helping hand for those struggling to keep up with the holiday noise and bustle can be the most festive thing to do. Everyone deserves the opportunity to a wonderful holiday season, but some need more support than others. Let’s not leave them behind to get sucked into the holiday bustle and noise.

Just as people with the flu or breast cancer can’t switch off their symptoms, people with SAD can’t simply decide to turn off their disorder. SAD is a grave mental disorder and can severely hinder the ability to function and perform normal activities. People with SAD often withdraw from their friends and struggle to complete simple tasks, let alone manage the stress and busier schedules that arise this time of year.

Treatment approaches to alleviate the symptoms of SAD typically include combinations of antidepressant medication, light therapy, Vitamin D, and counseling. As a means of self-care for those who may be prone to SAD, it’s best monitor mood and energy levels, take advantage of available sunlight, pan pleasurable activities for the winter season, and when symptoms develop, seek help sooner rather than later.

It’s typical to give gifts wrapped in boxes and bows, but the best gift to give is a simple reminder to struggling loved ones to say, “I’m here for you. Your feelings are valid. You are not alone.” Those affected by SAD are probably already frustrated by the obvious hypocrisy of feeling the lowest when the world promotes the highest moods and general elation.

That’s where empathy and awareness come in. Perhaps the season isn’t the most merry, but hopefully it’s at least manageable when surrounded with supportive people and resources as well as the gifts already present in life that make it worth living.

Take care, and keep the faith. -Allie

Autumn Afternoons

Photography is not a pastime I generally partake in, especially when going about my day full of classes and activities. When traveling to new locations, I feel that sense of wonder at the simplest of sights, even when a similar sight is prevalent at home. But when I’m busy in the hustle of an average college student’s week, I’m moving and thinking at a pace that overlooks my familiar surroundings.

But what happens when we adjust our perspective of the mundane, average setting we’ve grown accustomed to, and admired it as if we ourselves are tourists? The changing of seasons seems like quite an appropriate time to try this out.

Although it was an assignment for class to take some photos, I stepped outside the classroom and immediately saw inspiration. Despite my university’s ongoing homecoming week (which, my lack of school spirit has no opinion about), a decent opportunity to capture some shots, I immediately pulled out my phone and went to work. I’m sure most of the students walking past to their afternoon classes were puzzled by me, standing in the middle of the sidewalk or in a patch of grass in the parking lot on a cloudy September day.

I’ve truly grown to love this time of year. I used to be much more of a spring person, but autumn and winter have become my go-to. But the seasons in the year that embody transition come with a newly found sense of transition within ourselves. We are of equal beauty as the trees and animals we pass every day, and we too experience the cycle of life and death inevitable for living organisms.

When we see trees becoming bare and weather forecasts becoming dreary, it’s easy to feel death inside ourselves. Sadness in what feels like an end. We can go from this angle and be downright miserable about summer ending and falling into a pit of bitterness over what is unavoidable.

We go through these emotions ourselves on a regular basis. Maybe we’re working on projects and trying to accomplish goals, but once we finish those, we lose a sense of purpose. We might grow distant from people we held dearly months earlier. The key word here is loss: focusing on death and ending and wanting nothing more than to reverse time to relive what has gone.

Yes, this is an option. But really, what is death is simply a chance for regrowth. For new moments to blossom. For new connections to kindle. Death is the antithesis is life, but one could not coexist without the other. So we might as well embrace it, celebrate it even. Take autumn for example. You can’t go swimming or sunbathing for another year, but can we talk about how wonderful warm beverages feel and taste, wrapping your hands around a toasty mug and feeling the steam bathe your face in coziness? Or snuggling up in a blanket with a good book in hand while a rainstorm brews outside? Or finally pulling out your flannels and sweaters, and thinking about the holidays just around the bend?

Obviously I get pumped up, but I think this mentality and excitement for life should apply to anything. We are in a constant cycle of certain things coming and going. With the end of one thing, inevitably a new experience is bound to takes it place. Or what feels like an eon since talking to someone or doing something can return out of the blue and seem like no time passed at all. That’s the beauty of nature, of life.

I hope you take inspiration from these words and my photos below to find peace and joy in the coming autumn and in whatever life is currently bringing and removing. There is a time and purpose for everything. We can choose to welcome that reality or reject it. But what might seem downright dreadful right now could turn into the greatest blessing. Hold onto that.

The second your soles step upon the lawns on campus, you hear that iconic crunch of leaves succumbing to nature.

The trees foliage is warming in hue despite the branches’ exposure to the chilling temperatures. The architecture never ceases to amaze.

Along the paths, the transition is unavoidable. Your toes dance around the decay. The bittersweet realization the seasonal slumber is soon upon us.

Among all of this, however, we cannot overlook the life still stirring. Or, in this case, rustling in the leaves and climbing up the moist bark of the trees.

This was one of several ladybugs in the house. Where they originate, who knows, but every time I let them take a journey back outside.

Flannel in autumn is a given. And I truly do find a sense of tranquility and beauty in this change. Rather than gazing upon death, I see regrowth. A new opportunity just on the horizon.

Take care, and keep the faith. -Allie

Thanks for the Memories

Isn’t this a song from some emo-Hot Topic-esque band? I swear it is. Hopefully I’m not just making things up.

But I’m going to tell a little tale from last week that perhaps others can relate to. That’s usually what we’re all here for.

So last week as a team leader at my gifted camp last week was an awesome experience. Dealing with the middle school crowd was certainly a challenge, but most of all, I enjoyed being around the fellow team leads, having a constant group chat streaming, just hanging out. I can easily say that it’s the most social I’ve been in quite a while.

On one particular afternoon when we had some free time after lunch, some of us were talking about a staff talent show that evening where they usually have a slideshow of old (slightly embarrassing) photos of staff members. This turned into some time scouring through Facebook and laughing over some major throwback photos.

Except in that time of reminiscing over old photos, overly edited on Picnik and doing some weird pose that at the time you felt cool doing, I felt kind of left out. Not in that people were doing so intentionally, but I really didn’t have much to contribute.

At that age and even just in general, I don’t have many pictures of myself, especially with others. Whether it’s just that people don’t do that friend-selfie scenario when I’m around, or I know I am generally not the most social butterfly out there, but I don’t have that same kind of history to look back on through photos.

Even as a kid, once I knew what a camera was, I avoided it like the plague. Especially when the dismorphia comes into play, I feel uncomfortable seeing myself in a frame that I had not complete control over. I have trouble understanding how other people see me because hey, I really can’t do it well on my own.

If I’m the one in control, I’m fine. I can have the luxury to choose what I want to keep and remember myself by. But other people, it’s different. It really shouldn’t be something that I’m overly concerned about, which generally I’m not, it just makes me feel like I haven’t done anything in my past to show of. I don’t necessarily have friends I’m constantly with who take candid photos and use as keepsakes. I myself am not one to pull out my phone all the time to take photos, let alone with others. I’d feel awkward even asking for that. In my head, it sounds almost petty to ask, “Hey, can we take a photo together just to say we did and I have solid proof I’m not always a boring hermit? Thanks.”

With social media, we have permanent proof of our past. We have tangible evidence of the memories we have shared with others and the different activities we’ve done. We find self-worth and esteem from how many group shots we have with others, regardless of how those relationships might affect your life. It’s a superficial means of measuring our impact on others and the world, clarifying if we have led a “full” life.

Which I for one think is garbage. Why must we feel like we need to prove to others how satisfied we are with our lives? Why must we focus upon images from past and current times as our mark upon the world? Because no, I didn’t have many friends back then. No, I wasn’t about to appear in a photo thinking my existence was worthless. I don’t want to remember how mentally ill I actually was and every single detail that I’ve already blocked out of my memory.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with nostalgia and going through the depths of Facebook to find some now hilarious shots. But I hope if you’re in a similar boat as me, you don’t feel guilty for maybe not having that same opportunity. Maybe you just don’t take any photos. Maybe you have deleted some on purpose. Whatever it is, it’s okay. It doesn’t invalidate your life, your friends, your family, absolutely anything. You are just as worthy and have the same chance to reflect happiness as anybody else.

Life is not measured in the perfect and ridiculous photos you have online. It’s not measured in numbers of likes or followers. It’s not measured in the number of friends you have or the number of times you go out to socialize every week. Life is about helping and reaching out to others. It’s doing things not just for the photo afterwards, but because you truly enjoy it. It’s about the quality of the relationships you have. It’s about self-discovery and growth that the internet doesn’t have to see. And nowhere in that scheme of things does comparison of others’ unique journeys fall into the mix.

Meet people you love, do what you love. That’s a photo that speaks louder than words.

Take care, and keep the faith. -Allie